Saturday, March 27, 2010

Venturing the impossible!

I am pretty sure you guys are thinking about the title that i wrote. Venturing the impossible?? What the heck right? :D Well, as in right now i am sitting down facing the computer, hoping the internet works when im done with this in LimKokWing! Yup, its freaking saturday and im here. Day and night im here in LimKokWing, and guess what>? still cant find the love that i have been searching and hoping for. Some of you would be thinking about the fact that love comes when you dont search for it, but guess what? I have searched for it.. stopped searching for it, starts searching for it again and almost, just almost stop searching for it at all. Im too tired. It has been exactly 35 months since i was last in love with someone. I miss it.

Enough about that!

Venturing the impossible is this: Joining LimKokWing is indefinitely impossible for me before because joining it never part of the plan but i am here! I AM HERE! so what's next? This is the venture that im yet to find out. Oh god! There's so many people here in LKW, seriously, you would find all kinds of people, race,religions,looks! my god! Some are to die for, some are just people you dont want to go near to! :D

Beginning of this year, i was very motivated with life. Motivated in all aspects of life. But now, in just the beginning of the year, i feel so unmotivated with life. Yes, life is not as shitty as before, i assure you that but the strong enthusiastic is no longer there and my 'mojo' or whatever isnt there anymore. Im trying hard to regain what i used to believe in and keep sending positive energy to earth (oh btw, that is one part of my life that i believe in, in which i have not got the time to actually sit down and tell you guys about it) but some of you might know about it. :D but i still cant find it just yet. I really hope its soon.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Thursday, January 28, 2010


I finally met up with A! It was not easy at all. I had to persuade A to see me and i assure you it sounded more like a stalker then a friend. Well, i dont have a choice. I need this closure with A. Honestly, im so suprised with A. A has changed into the unexpected. We talked a lot. I cried a lot. Not even a single tears came down from A. Finally, A admits that A does not give a fuck about me anymore and that A wants to forget about my existence. Im pretty upset and sad about it but i cant do anything to convince A anymore. I think i need to move on and i need to do it soon because its not good for me and i want to show to A that i have changed since A told me that i have not change a bit. NVM, although im respecting A's wishes of which A does not want to see me anymore, i just hope that one day A would come to realise what i've done for A. I will never forget A. Never.

I hope A would stick to this decision. A told me that A has converted A'self into a muslim person. Im very proud of A and i hope A would be a better muslim in the future. I hope A give time to A'self to really understand how being an Islam is. All the best syg!

As im writting this im in kl... The internet connection is slow and the weather is just so hot and humid. Suddenly i feel extremely fat. Kakak told me that if i get a job i'll be starting on the 1st of february. But then this sunday i have to leave back to penang. Im not readu to leave penang just yet because i have not cleaned up my room. And there's so many things that i have to do. And if i don't do it.. My heart would not feel at ease.

I miss A and im going to miss A forever. I feel like crying. Ya Allah.. Tabahkanlah Hati aku. Carikanlah teman bagiku. Engkaulah Maha Berkuasa.. Amin!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


It has been so long since i updated this blog. many times i found myself writing here but it would end up in the drafts section. that's because i just don't feel like writing anymore or maybe just because i am too busy with stuff or maybe because im not happy with anything. many things has happened in my life since my last update. A refuses to see me at all when A came back to penang. Still in Penang as I'm typing this but A refuses to see me. I don't know what to say but just to let you know that i am very sad about it. I confessed to A2 that i like A2 but A2 rejected me. Oh well, i prefer not to dwell into that anymore bc I'm a tougher and stronger person now. i move on after every rejection. bc after rejection there would be acceptance. I believe that one day i will get somebody that will appreciate and love me. I just wish its soon because I'm lonely and i don't like to be lonely. nobody does.

my dream of becoming a lawyer would not be fullfilled for now. I did not manage to get into uitm because im not good enough and not poor enough i guess?... erm,... somehow i believe there is a reason for all that and i hope its for my best. I am now enrolling in LimKokWing University in their 4 years degree. I am now doing degree in International Business therefore when im 25 i'll have my first degree when ikmal would have it when he's 23. I dont know why but i've done plenty of mistakes with my life. I should have thought about my future sooner. Now its just too late and i have no choice but to accept it. I will accept it. I have to accept it. The best part about limKokWing is that i got 70% discount for it. Im greatfull for it. alhamdullilah. farhana told me to sembayang shukur or something but i dont know how so im just going to say alhamdullilah everytime i mentioned the discounts. my whole degree cost me 56k so now im just paying 17k after the discount. terkejut giler babi... ceh.. kena ckp kl skit sb dah jadi owg kayel. hehehehehe......

Saturday, August 1, 2009